Acknowledging the pain and moving on

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For you to understand my story you need to read my last post. Its been 8 months already that i have been disturbed by this emotional stress. Still nobody knows what happened except my family, his family and relatives. I still cry alone at night.

Just recently me and my boyfriend had a big fight that we almost have to cancel the wedding. Then suddenly, one night while i was crying i kinda talk to my self like, “hey, what had happened already happened, all you need to do is accept it. You cannot change what had happened.” It was like teaching myself a lesson in life.

I cannot change what happened. If you ask me how hard and painful? It was very hard to move on and it was very painful. But i need to acknowledge the pain and that i am hurt. Life is short, we need to enjoy and live every moment of it. Fall in love again, if by chance, get hurt again (i just hope not)… Thats the cycle of life. In order for me to be free from this burden, i need to accept things i cannot change, forgive, and move on.

I know that God can only forgive me if i forgive the people who hurt me. I still believe in happy ending and that everything will be okay soon. I am very much hopeful for the best and ready for whatever challenges may come.

Until here and thank you for your time reading my post.

When getting married becomes an obligation

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At an early stage in a relationship everything is in cloud 9. I first met my boyfriend when i was 24 years old, a good friend introduced him to me which we started as text mates. Nothing was in my mind but to enjoy life, enjoy being with friends since we were so young and free. Getting married was never an options since its too early to decide for that…

As years passed we were encountering problems but not really major. Relationship was still really not that serious.. We meet people from our work place who shows affection to us, i know thats normal but to the extent that you know your limitations, my boyfriend also admitted that he had a text mate and said he was sorry and that he already ended it. Reality check, i know those were just trials in our relationship on how far we can stand still and fight for our relationship but still marriage was not an option.

A decade after being in a relationship where everything is getting serious, confident enough even though we live 35 miles apart. I get to spend family occasions to his place, I always get invited to important family gatherings, same as with him, he gets invited if we have important family gatherings and every occasions. Both our family, relatives, friends gets used to our closeness and notice the absence when one is not around.

The pressure of the people that surrounds us asking us of any plans of settling down, and that we already have enough time getting to know each other, when suddenly something happened!

I caught him cheating! Confronting him why it happened, how it happened and from where is she? Then i knew they work just nearby so they often see each other. The moment that i caught him i informed his family that we are going to break up because of what happened. Now, everybody gets involved and confronted him.

I don’t know what to do, i don’t know what to decide and i cannot accept the fact that what i used to have a perfect relationship is not that perfect anymore. They already have closure and he assured me that it will not happen again and that he was sorry for what happened.

Six months after what had happened he decided that we get married next year , his siblings who works abroad are planning to go home next year, he already informed his family about his plans but i’m still undecided. I asked advice from my family, my Aunts and close friends and they advice me to marry him. Convincing me that everybody has a weak part, that as long as he is true to his words, then, we can surpass everything. It feels like i am caught in the middle.. I Don’t know what to do.

Lots of things comes to my mind like if i have to end my relationship with him, can i guarantee that this will not happen to my next relationship? If i marry him, will i regret it?

I tried to be rude, i tried to be insensitive, i insult him all the time, a million times of trying to break up with him so we could move on with our lives but he just won’t stop.

My thought: marriage cannot guarantee that he will change. Marriage won’t change everything. But, we can always try, give him another chance to fix things together. I know i also have shortcomings, we have each others differences.

Now, if you were on my part, what will you do?

Broken, and trusting again

For over ten years in a relationship all i really thought was i was having the perfect relationship, but just five months ago i discovered he cheated on me, and that they’re in a relationship for two years.
The moment i knew it, it feels like the world knocked me down and crushed me to my bones and that i couldn’t get up.
Whats making it hard is only few people knew what happened, his family, my family, one of my aunt and one good friend who is also my life coach. Most of the people experiencing this kind of situation usually share this with friends to seek advice and in order for them to move on the soonest. On my part i was not ready yet to let everybody know what happened and maybe i’m not ready what would their reactions may be.

I did not broke up with him, trying to give him another chance and he promised not to do it again, but there is this big FEAR inside me that it might happened again. And then, he proposed that we get married next year!

Im already 33 and who doesn’t want to get married on that age? Of course i wanted to but, maybe scared. I could say i haven’t moved on yet, that i still wanted to cry as hard as i can to release all the stress inside my body.

Whatever my decisions may be will really affect my future big time.

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